A Year Older? Yes A Year Wiser? I Doubt It

An interesting thing happened as I contemplated turning another year older. It happens every year actually, so I guess it's no surprise, but I started to think about a girl I grew up with. I'm not sure how old I was when I met her for the first time, but I do remember the first time I became aware of her existence.

My birthday is in January, and that meant I was always one of the oldest kids in my class. Actually I was pretty sure I WAS the oldest kid in my class, I was pretty proud of myself for that. It gave me a false sense of superiority. It was as if we all had our pick of days to be born on and I, being the smartest kid in class choose the 19th of January. Early enough that i would be the oldest, but not so early that I was showing my greed and arrogance by being one of those obnoxious babies born on January 1st at 12:01 A.M.

Until one year. It was the day before my birthday. I was, I'm sure thinking about what my parents were going to buy me. I heard someone behind me say happy birthday. I turned around, and was just about to let this person know that, while I appreciated the sentiment, my birthday wasn't until tomorrow, and if they wouldn't mind just waiting until my actual birthday like everyone else, when to my horror I realized that this person wasn't talking to me.

They were talking to this girl that I think about every year, the day before my birthday. I was crushed. Utterly devastated.

For the next 24 hours all I could think about was the fact that this girl was a whole year older than me. Like somehow in this 24 hour gap she had somehow become everything I expected an adult to be. As if magically while she was 11 and I was 10 she had gained an appreciation for good wine, stinky cheese and Oscar Wilde.

Now to be fair I don't really know this girl that well. She has always been nothing but nice to me, and she even wished me a happy birthday this year.

But it's never been about this person. The reason I think about her every year is to remind myself that part of me is still that selfish little boy that gets frustrated for stupid reasons, and I need to grow up. I tell myself there's always gonna be someone better (or in this case older) than me, but that doesn't mean I should stop trying.

And I also wonder if one day when the two of us are old, she'll be siting there thinking, "I wonder how young Anthony Bookless is doing?".
Like somehow she'd be under the impression that in that 24 hour gap while she's 50 and I'm 49 that I'll out at a club partying with 20 year old girls with a drink in my hand without a care in the world; not responsible for anything, or, for that matter, even my own actions.

Somehow I doubt it, but I think we all seek a little revenge somewhere in life.